I'm not huge into numbers and what not, but I was very happy to try on a few old pairs of capris today that fit easily. They were size 18 and I was very happy! I've definitely lost more weight on top than on the bottom, so I didn't think it would work out, but it did! Adios, size 20's! I'm going to pack up every size I shrink out of and give it to the Goodwill or Freecycle.
In other news, I called the gym that's only a mile away and they only charge 30 dollars per month, and classes are free. The problem is that they don't have child care, but he said that other moms bring their kids as long as they don't bother other folks. Well, with a very challenging 5 year old, that may or may not happen. At any rate, I'm going to try it, and if it doesn't work out, then I'm not out THAT much money. Pluse, they have Zumba! I have really, really wanted to try this. Anyone tried it before?
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Good evening, ladies! I started this blog to detail my weight loss journey in an attempt to give hope and encouragement to others like myself. I have struggled with my weight for my entire life, watching it yo-yo. Even when I was thin and in very good physical, athletic shape...I thought I was fat. You see, being fat isn't just a number on a scale or on the tag of your jeans...it's a state of mind. I used to get frustrated with girls who appeared to be thin as rails who would complain that they were fat, but then, of course I remembered that I felt the same way when I was thin. 99% of the weight loss battle is in your head!
The Early Years
When I was a toddler, I was chubby, but so are many toddlers! Entering school, I was of average size. In third grade, I noticed that I was fat. Up until that point, it didn't occur to me to consider myself to be fat, thin, or anywhere in between. It just wasn't on my radar. By fourth grade, I was being teased nearly constantly. Not only by my classmates (they even made up fat songs), but I was hounded by my brothers in my own home. Needless to say, it was horrible. I learned to fight back and was labeled as the you know what of the family, but what cat backed into a corner WON'T lash out? I was a very intelligent child, though, so I at least had success in school as far as academics were concerned.
I played softball when I was quite young, but I wasn't very good at it because I had no confidence whatsoever. Who would if they were bombarded 24/7? I quit for a year and then started back up on a new team with some other girls I knew. I started getting a little bit of confidence and became a decent ball player. When I moved up to teeners, I was the little fish in the big pond. My second year playing, though, something happened...I discovered that I had one heck of an arm. And so, third base it was. Not to mention extra leagues. I played whenever, where ever I could. Needless to say, this kept me thin, but again, I thought I was fat! I would have to say that I was fat right up until 8th grade. After that point, I not only played softball, but the rest of the year was filled with volleyball, and sand volleyball in the summer. I lived for sports!
Toward the end of my senior year, I started adding on some weight. I didn't realize that I was depressed. All through high school, I was never, ever comfortable with myself, not even for one moment. I know that people who knew me then would not believe it, because I did appear confident on the outside. Remember the academics? I ended up being valedictorian. But still, I could feel myself slipping away.
During my high school years, my mother would go out on Saturday nights to dance at a local bar that had live country bands. My mom has always loved to dance, but no worries, she was never a drinker. She would get ready and I would sit on my or her bed, and she would have me choose between outfits, asking me, "Which one makes me look skinnier?" Other people in my family had weight issues as well (not my mother at that time), so people's weight was a CONSTANT source of discussion in my family. I got so sick of it. The point is, it was hammered home from an early age: your beauty is dependent upon your size.
COLLEGE
Good grief, where do I even start? I'd had a falling out with my mother, she moved to a different town (not because of me! LOL), and I felt completely abandoned. I liked my roommate, but she was a guilt factory because I liked beer and she was a Christian. So was I, but that didn't stop me! I still pulled nearly perfect grades. That year, I gained more, and more, and more weight. I wasn't even sure what I weighed. I was so depressed, and not just because of the weight. I started eating alone because I couldn't stand to be around people. One day, quite literally, I woke up, and I said, "That's it. I'm done. I've had some hard knocks, but I am NOT feeling sorry for myself anymore." And that really was it. I started going to the gym. Then, I started running and going to the gym. I took the pounds off, alright, but very slowly. I went to see a nutritionist to find out why, and I saw that while I was eating appropriate number of calories, I wasn't eating enough protein. Finally, I broke 150! I was ecstatic! I ran for several more years, enjoying it immensely. I ran 5K nearly every day of the year (upstate NY weather-permitting!). It was keeping not only my body healthy, but my mind as well.
SUH-PRISE!
As all good things must come to an end, I graduated from college in December of 2000. I was going to start grad school the following August, and until then, I was working at my local intermediate unit as a speech therapist. I covered 4 counties! It was a fantastic experience. However, it was during this time that I found out I was pregnant. It was March and the snow was beginning to melt--I couldn't wait to go running! But it took me 15 minutes to run 1 mile, and I knew something was wrong. At any rate, I was 21 and pregnant for my son, Clayton, who will be 8 this fall. I was very sick during my pregnancy, constantly unable to keep food down. I think I gained 23 pounds the whole pregnancy, and it was ALL in my belly, and I had only gained about 10 pounds until I hit 8 months! After Clayton, most of the weight went away because I was nursing.
I moved away to attend graduate school, which is what I was doing when I met my future husband. Long story short, we got married, had my youngest son, Ryan (now 5), and lived in Pittsburgh. Ryan was a very, VERY sickly baby who cried 24 hours a day for an entire year. That child never slept, without exaggeration. All he did was scream, red in the face, to the point where I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance on numerous occasions because he could barely breath for the screaming. During this time, my brother, also named Ryan (23 years old at the time), passed away from brain cancer. Not a good time in my life, or my family's life, needless to say. But, after a while, we bought a house and moved to beautiful suburbia. I had no trouble keeping food down during this pregnancy, and when I gave birth, I weighed 203 pounds. Ryan was 9 lbs, though. I lost some of my baby weight right away, not even trying because all I could do was take care of my sick baby. But once we settled down is when the pounds started adding up. I was a stay-at-home-mom with 2 sons, and very active in my church. During this time, though, my husband had come to see me as somehow less than his equal. Significantly less. And I was spoken to and treated accordingly. He was the one person in life for whom I knew that nothing, and I mean nothing, was ever good enough. It was like I was on a constant emotional treadmill (that is, unless, I was walking on eggshells). I did the 6 week body makeover program, which was really an extremely healthy diet. I learned a lot from it. But I ended up starting Paxil, and was ravenously hungry all the time. And I don't mean I had cravings! My belly would rumble loudly and it was all I could do to keep the hunger at bay. Finally I went off Paxil, but it was too late. I'd already gained 40 pounds. I hated to not take it because I felt so good on it, but it all just became too much.
CURRENT DAY
These days I live with my two sons in the Pittsburgh 'burbs. I moved into my house about a year and a half ago. It is not fancy, but it super cute and fits us well. I have continued to gain weight all this time, though. I knew I needed to do something, but I remember losing weight in college and during 6WBMO. I was absolutely obsessed with it to the point that weight loss, exercise and food occupied nearly every waking thought I had. Being a single mom, I simply did NOT have the much mental or physical energy to devote to weight loss. But, a girlfriend of mine started losing weight, and when I asked her what she was doing, she told me about Wexford Weightloss. It sounded like a good healthy program (much like Weight Watchers, except without the points--similar in principle). I decided to give it a shot! I got weighed in for my first session with the nurse, which was a "get to know you and your goals" type of session. The next week, I officially started the diet (that's how they work it--they give you an EKG the first meeting, too, to check your heart before you begin your diet and exercise regimen). It was June 18th, my 30th birthday! It is now July 20th, and I have lost a little over 19 pounds! I am so pleased with myself! I started off at 225 (rounding the decimals, here. I had no idea how much I weighed because I hadn't peeked when I was at the docs, and I wouldn't weigh myself at home. I was shocked!). I check in with my nurse weekly, and she teaches me one lesson per week about a weight loss topic. Today's topic, for instance, was high fructose corn syrup, which I already knew was a tool of the Devil's, LOL! Here that nasty stuff disables the hormone in your tummy that signals your brain that you're full, so you eat more and more, not realizing you are full. Kathy, my nurse, calls HFCS the "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" chemical. Eeek! Oh, and I eat 1200 calories a day. 300 cals for the 3 meals, and two 150 cal snacks. I try to exercise as I can, but mowing the lawn and shampooing the carpets and other household chores have proven to be excellent exercise in and of themselves. I am saving up for an elliptical trainer currently. I love to exercise, it's just that it's logistically difficult when you have two sons, one with special needs and accompanying behavior difficulties, and trying to make it to the gym. No gym around here has child care and I worry about that anyway because of the behavior concerns. And it's not like their dad is going to come out to watch them for an hour so I can go. I got a tape and get some workouts from Comcast On Demand. I must be doing something right with that much loss!
I've also been listening to Keith Moore's "How to Reach Your Physical Goals," which I highly, highly recommend. Especially the first 2 CD's in the set. It supports you with a lot of scripture! It has really encouraged me and I am thankful to God for that and also to God for giving me the strength to make this change in my life. God is good!
The Early Years
When I was a toddler, I was chubby, but so are many toddlers! Entering school, I was of average size. In third grade, I noticed that I was fat. Up until that point, it didn't occur to me to consider myself to be fat, thin, or anywhere in between. It just wasn't on my radar. By fourth grade, I was being teased nearly constantly. Not only by my classmates (they even made up fat songs), but I was hounded by my brothers in my own home. Needless to say, it was horrible. I learned to fight back and was labeled as the you know what of the family, but what cat backed into a corner WON'T lash out? I was a very intelligent child, though, so I at least had success in school as far as academics were concerned.
I played softball when I was quite young, but I wasn't very good at it because I had no confidence whatsoever. Who would if they were bombarded 24/7? I quit for a year and then started back up on a new team with some other girls I knew. I started getting a little bit of confidence and became a decent ball player. When I moved up to teeners, I was the little fish in the big pond. My second year playing, though, something happened...I discovered that I had one heck of an arm. And so, third base it was. Not to mention extra leagues. I played whenever, where ever I could. Needless to say, this kept me thin, but again, I thought I was fat! I would have to say that I was fat right up until 8th grade. After that point, I not only played softball, but the rest of the year was filled with volleyball, and sand volleyball in the summer. I lived for sports!
Toward the end of my senior year, I started adding on some weight. I didn't realize that I was depressed. All through high school, I was never, ever comfortable with myself, not even for one moment. I know that people who knew me then would not believe it, because I did appear confident on the outside. Remember the academics? I ended up being valedictorian. But still, I could feel myself slipping away.
During my high school years, my mother would go out on Saturday nights to dance at a local bar that had live country bands. My mom has always loved to dance, but no worries, she was never a drinker. She would get ready and I would sit on my or her bed, and she would have me choose between outfits, asking me, "Which one makes me look skinnier?" Other people in my family had weight issues as well (not my mother at that time), so people's weight was a CONSTANT source of discussion in my family. I got so sick of it. The point is, it was hammered home from an early age: your beauty is dependent upon your size.
COLLEGE
Good grief, where do I even start? I'd had a falling out with my mother, she moved to a different town (not because of me! LOL), and I felt completely abandoned. I liked my roommate, but she was a guilt factory because I liked beer and she was a Christian. So was I, but that didn't stop me! I still pulled nearly perfect grades. That year, I gained more, and more, and more weight. I wasn't even sure what I weighed. I was so depressed, and not just because of the weight. I started eating alone because I couldn't stand to be around people. One day, quite literally, I woke up, and I said, "That's it. I'm done. I've had some hard knocks, but I am NOT feeling sorry for myself anymore." And that really was it. I started going to the gym. Then, I started running and going to the gym. I took the pounds off, alright, but very slowly. I went to see a nutritionist to find out why, and I saw that while I was eating appropriate number of calories, I wasn't eating enough protein. Finally, I broke 150! I was ecstatic! I ran for several more years, enjoying it immensely. I ran 5K nearly every day of the year (upstate NY weather-permitting!). It was keeping not only my body healthy, but my mind as well.
SUH-PRISE!
As all good things must come to an end, I graduated from college in December of 2000. I was going to start grad school the following August, and until then, I was working at my local intermediate unit as a speech therapist. I covered 4 counties! It was a fantastic experience. However, it was during this time that I found out I was pregnant. It was March and the snow was beginning to melt--I couldn't wait to go running! But it took me 15 minutes to run 1 mile, and I knew something was wrong. At any rate, I was 21 and pregnant for my son, Clayton, who will be 8 this fall. I was very sick during my pregnancy, constantly unable to keep food down. I think I gained 23 pounds the whole pregnancy, and it was ALL in my belly, and I had only gained about 10 pounds until I hit 8 months! After Clayton, most of the weight went away because I was nursing.
I moved away to attend graduate school, which is what I was doing when I met my future husband. Long story short, we got married, had my youngest son, Ryan (now 5), and lived in Pittsburgh. Ryan was a very, VERY sickly baby who cried 24 hours a day for an entire year. That child never slept, without exaggeration. All he did was scream, red in the face, to the point where I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance on numerous occasions because he could barely breath for the screaming. During this time, my brother, also named Ryan (23 years old at the time), passed away from brain cancer. Not a good time in my life, or my family's life, needless to say. But, after a while, we bought a house and moved to beautiful suburbia. I had no trouble keeping food down during this pregnancy, and when I gave birth, I weighed 203 pounds. Ryan was 9 lbs, though. I lost some of my baby weight right away, not even trying because all I could do was take care of my sick baby. But once we settled down is when the pounds started adding up. I was a stay-at-home-mom with 2 sons, and very active in my church. During this time, though, my husband had come to see me as somehow less than his equal. Significantly less. And I was spoken to and treated accordingly. He was the one person in life for whom I knew that nothing, and I mean nothing, was ever good enough. It was like I was on a constant emotional treadmill (that is, unless, I was walking on eggshells). I did the 6 week body makeover program, which was really an extremely healthy diet. I learned a lot from it. But I ended up starting Paxil, and was ravenously hungry all the time. And I don't mean I had cravings! My belly would rumble loudly and it was all I could do to keep the hunger at bay. Finally I went off Paxil, but it was too late. I'd already gained 40 pounds. I hated to not take it because I felt so good on it, but it all just became too much.
CURRENT DAY
These days I live with my two sons in the Pittsburgh 'burbs. I moved into my house about a year and a half ago. It is not fancy, but it super cute and fits us well. I have continued to gain weight all this time, though. I knew I needed to do something, but I remember losing weight in college and during 6WBMO. I was absolutely obsessed with it to the point that weight loss, exercise and food occupied nearly every waking thought I had. Being a single mom, I simply did NOT have the much mental or physical energy to devote to weight loss. But, a girlfriend of mine started losing weight, and when I asked her what she was doing, she told me about Wexford Weightloss. It sounded like a good healthy program (much like Weight Watchers, except without the points--similar in principle). I decided to give it a shot! I got weighed in for my first session with the nurse, which was a "get to know you and your goals" type of session. The next week, I officially started the diet (that's how they work it--they give you an EKG the first meeting, too, to check your heart before you begin your diet and exercise regimen). It was June 18th, my 30th birthday! It is now July 20th, and I have lost a little over 19 pounds! I am so pleased with myself! I started off at 225 (rounding the decimals, here. I had no idea how much I weighed because I hadn't peeked when I was at the docs, and I wouldn't weigh myself at home. I was shocked!). I check in with my nurse weekly, and she teaches me one lesson per week about a weight loss topic. Today's topic, for instance, was high fructose corn syrup, which I already knew was a tool of the Devil's, LOL! Here that nasty stuff disables the hormone in your tummy that signals your brain that you're full, so you eat more and more, not realizing you are full. Kathy, my nurse, calls HFCS the "I can't believe I ate the whole thing!" chemical. Eeek! Oh, and I eat 1200 calories a day. 300 cals for the 3 meals, and two 150 cal snacks. I try to exercise as I can, but mowing the lawn and shampooing the carpets and other household chores have proven to be excellent exercise in and of themselves. I am saving up for an elliptical trainer currently. I love to exercise, it's just that it's logistically difficult when you have two sons, one with special needs and accompanying behavior difficulties, and trying to make it to the gym. No gym around here has child care and I worry about that anyway because of the behavior concerns. And it's not like their dad is going to come out to watch them for an hour so I can go. I got a tape and get some workouts from Comcast On Demand. I must be doing something right with that much loss!
I've also been listening to Keith Moore's "How to Reach Your Physical Goals," which I highly, highly recommend. Especially the first 2 CD's in the set. It supports you with a lot of scripture! It has really encouraged me and I am thankful to God for that and also to God for giving me the strength to make this change in my life. God is good!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
